Say Uncle

OK so I quit. I threw in the towel. I couldn't do it.

I figured that after 10 "accidents" the timing was not right. She is most definitely not ready. I think she can do it, I just don't think she wants to do it. So we will wait for the right time for her rather then what was the right time for me.

Potty Training Day One

I should have known today wasn't going to be great. Baby boy had a difficult time going back to sleep after his feedings last night so needless to say I am tired. So it probably is the wrong day to start potty training.

My daughter always uses the potty first thing in the morning so she can get her morning purple jelly belly. After that we put on big girl panties. We bypassed the plastic pants at her request because they "hurt." I did explain that if she had an accident she would have to wear them. We got breakfast started but she was acting sort of sad. I picked her up and gave her a squeeze. She took my face in her hands and looked like she was feeling sad for ME. I think it was her way of saying sorry for what I am about to do to you.

15 minutes later her pants were wet. We cleaned her up and put on new panties covered by plastic pants.

15 minutes go by and we go to sit on the potty again only to find her pants filled with poop.

Frustration sets in.

I clean her up and put her in new panties and plastic pants. Mind you in between I am trying to get her brother fed, changed, and his pants changed.

15 minutes later, success.

15 minutes after that wet panties.

Now I am considering next time just letting her sit in her wet plastic pants until she tells me she is wet.

Also up for consideration is aborting the mission altogether. I thought she was ready and now she seems determined to not be. Maybe having a new baby in the house has really impacted her more then I thought it would. I was hoping to use my last 6 weeks at home to get her potty trained.

Well looks like option number one. She told me she had to go poopy only to find her panties soaked through.

Can I let her wear diapers forever?

Good news...

After two rounds of blood tests baby's tests came back normal. A little anemic but nothing to worry about. My second opinion doctor came up with a plan to see if we can get his bilirubin down. He wants me to feed him only formula for two days and see if that makes an impact. I could not agree. I do not do well with pumping only because I don't feel like I pump the same amount that he eats. I worry that if I pump exclusively for two days then my milk supply will decrease.

I wish I was one of those mommas that had tons of breast milk. Sadly I am not. When I was breastfeeding my daughter I compared my milk to gold. I fought for every drop to store for when I had to go back to work. Now, same story. Someone told me that it is better the second time around. I have found that to be true only because I am more comfortable and feel like I know what I am doing. We were encouraged to give my son a bottle at least once a day so that he would be used to it. I had been pumping so daddy could give him that feeding. Again it has been difficult to get ahead even that one feeding plus a little extra for when the dreaded end to maternity leave arrives.

So I made a compromise. He can have one to two feedings of formula and I will pump those feedings to save for when I have to go back to work. The physician thought that would be enough to tell if my breast milk was contributing.

If anyone one has tips on how best to increase milk supply I am all ears. I have tried somethings but so far no luck.

Successful Sunday

My Sunday was an absolute success!

Success # 1

Our local ski hill takes 45 minutes to get to even though it is only about 16 miles away because of all of the turns and curves. So far this season the drive up has made my daughter sick every time. We have learned to pack towels, extra clothes, and barf bags. We also have decided to wait to have breakfast till we make it to the lodge. Now this is something that we can't do with our son because of his MCAD, though the genetic counselor assured my husband that if he does get car sick as long as he eats once we get there he will be fine. We are hoping that it turns out he has a stronger stomach then his big sister. Anyway, we made it all the way up with no vomiting. It was slow going and we did have to pull over twice but we did not have a mess to clean up and my car will still smell good this week.

Success # 2

My daughter skied on her own. She is usually wedged between her daddies legs and he is holding her up under her arms. Today she did it herself. Of course daddy had the harness just in case she got out of control. The best part? It was a beautiful day so I bundled up baby boy and put him in the front pack, he loved it, and I got to watch my daughter ski.

Success # 4

Lunch on the patio with good friends. Ahh, grown up conversation!

Success # 3

I got to spend the entire day with my hubby. I have been giving him a bad time about me finding a brother husband. My husband works full time, is on the reserve team for our local paramedics, is training for the toughest half marathon in the northwest, and has been painting a friends house because he broke his leg and can't do it himself. Needless to say he has been gone a lot. He made me a yummy salad for dinner and I even stayed up to watch a movie just to soak up a few more minutes with him.

A few hiccups in the day, a few yawns here and there, and some serious bags under my eyes (thank goodness it was sunglass weather) but it was one of the best days ever.

Yellow Belly

Our 5 week old son is having prolonged jaundice. At 6 days old he seemed a little yellow so the pediatrician decided to test his billirubin at the same time as his confirmatory MCADD test. It turned out that he did have a bilirubin of around 18 so they put our little guy on a billi blanket. After 6 days his level dropped to around 15 enough to get rid of the blanket. For some reason in the weeks that followed he was not looking any less yellow.

We contacted the pediatrician who told us not to worry. I couldn't help but worry. Finally we convinced her to test it again. It was still hovering around 15. I asked if his MCADD could be to blame, she said no. She said we would test again in a week. Meanwhile I contacted the genetic counselor and asked her if his MCADD could be causing the elevated bilirubin. She thought that was probably not the cause but could be the reason that he can't get rid of it. Here we are one week later and his bili level has not really budged. According to the phone call from her nurse, the pediatrician is "very happy with the results and she wants to test him again two weeks from now."

Momma is not so happy with the results. Last night as I laid in bed, stomach turning with anxiety, I decided that I needed a second opinion.

Today I took my little guy into the family practice doctor that I see. He was awesome! He did not make me feel like a paranoid parent. He also said that there was no reason not to test him for anemia and liver function. We are awaiting those results and hoping that they come back negative. He also said that he agrees with the genetic counselor. It would make sense that if he has a liver enzyme disorder it might be harder for him to get rid of it since bilirubin is removed by the liver. However our pediatrician says that because infants have immature livers the bilirubin is removed by the GI tract. Argh!

I am feeling better at least we will know for sure that nothing else is the cause. I am praying that everything comes back negative. It just means that I have to patiently wait for the jaundice to go away. My husband has been having me stick the poor little guy in window to soak up the sun, someone told him it helps.

Our little sun bather

Guilty

Thank heavens for all of the comments from the FOD mommas!!!! They help more then you know.

Yesterday was one of those days where all we really did was survive.

I was feeling extreme guilt for letting my two year old have a Dora the Explorer marathon. Luckily my hubby came home and we all went for a walk to soak up the sun, it has been very rainy the last 4 weeks and it was nice to catch the sun while it was out. We were only out for 15 minutes but that has to erase a few minutes of Dora from my guilty conscience. Right?

Baby was pretty fussy all day so he took pretty much all my attention all day. As I was trying to go to bed my two year old started crying out in her sleep. Oh how I wish my husband had still been home. As I ran to her room the baby of course started screaming. I took him with me into her room, I held her as he lay screaming on the foot of her bed. Mommy guilt is the worst kind of guilt in the entire world. Luckily my daughter was easy to get back to sleep even with the baby screams coming from the end of her bed. But that was all it took to feel defeated. I had planned to make the baby transition easy for my two year old but I don't feel like I am doing a very good job.

Speaking of jobs I admitted to my husband that being at work sounded better then being at home lately. Of course I feel guilty and when the time comes for me to go back to work I am going to be devastated. I still haven't quite figured out how that is going to work. I am praying that God will give me direction and will help us choose the right thing to do.

I am going to throw a goal into all of this: do something special for my daughter this week.

Here we go again.

What started as a blog about melanoma quickly turned into a blog about goals. I discovered that when caught early all you can really say about melanoma is: remember to wear sunscreen.

So for some reason shortly after child birth God decides to give me just an extra little challenge. With my daughter (now two) came the melanoma diagnosis. With my son (one month) came the discovery that he has a genetic disorder called MCADD. Although the first few weeks were pretty scary we have come to learn that it is something that is very manageable, basically the little guy cannot fast. So I am getting him up every 3 hours to eat whether he wants to or not. For me it has just been a matter of learning to live with very little sleep. The part where this disorder gets frightening is when he gets a fever or the stomach flu. His metabolism will run high and he won't feel like eating, or he won't be able to keep anything down. We then have an express pass at the ER and he goes in for an IV of glucose. We have had a meeting with a genetic counselor and are waiting for an appointment with the geneticist. Our geneticist comes to Boise from Portland 3 times a year so we have to wait to meet with him until his next visit. I am hoping that he will let the little guy go a little longer between feedings.

So instead of melanoma, or goals, or MCADD I have decided to focus my blog on survival. Dramatic I know.

It is all worth it and I wouldn't trade in anything. Not my sassy, fun little two year old or my beautiful little boy that just needs to eat, not my crazy husband that always wants to do something because he can't sit still, and not my desire to run even though I dread heading out to do it. I am going to charge into the day with bags under my eyes. If the house is still standing and I have had a shower at the end then it most definitely has been a great day!