Back at it...

I think I have just about survived my first day at work. And I am proud to say that I have not shed a tear. Yesterday however was another story. I think I pretty much cried all afternoon. My hubby started out understanding and considerate and by the evening he was frustrated. I understand where he was coming from, I was pretty much ruining my last night before I was back to work.
I hope that I get home and my house is still standing and everyone is snug in their beds. Then the guilt will lessen and perhaps make it possible to sleep. Is it weird that I am excited that I get to wake the baby for a night time feeding just so I can hold him in my arms a few hours sooner? I guess there is a plus to baby having MCADD tonight.
So I work in a hospital in the MRI department and I have a fairly decent schedule for being fairly low on the totem pole. I work 12 hour shifts 3 days a week till about 10 at night. The problem is they are changing up our staffing model, and so far the plans for the future absolutely stink for my family. I am really trying to not freak out.

Do I want to work every evening till midnight leaving my hubby alone to put kids to bed? Leaving the only time for yard and house work on the weekends. And no time for my spouse and I.

Do I want to work every weekend making it impossible for us to leave town but making it so that I can tuck my babies into their beds at night?

It is seeming that we are going to have to make some hard choices......I have been trying not to freak out thinking that somehow it is going to work out ok but it is not looking likely. Really not exactly what I wanted to return to.