Robbing Peter to Pay Paul

After several heated discussions with my husband I have decided there is no way to get everything done.

I have been back at the gym and I am excited to be back running. The problem? An hour and a half trip to the gym puts me an hour and a half behind at home. I get back and depending on when I left I am either scrambling to get dinner made or my daughter in the bath tub. By the time I feel like I can breath I look at the clock and its 9, the time that baby boy and I prefer to be in bed with the lights out.

There you have it. So what gives? My alone time with my hubby and a calm end to our day.

I could try to get more done during the day but I am having a difficult time occupying my 2 year old daughter without the help of the television. I would stick her in the backyard but she doesn't stay where I can see her.

What to do....I am struggling. As soon as I walk through the door my "runners high" quickly sinks to a low as my family all starts making their demands. Not that they are really demanding they just have needs. My husband is also struggling with the same thing but he doesn't see the kids all day so he misses out on them in lieu of yard work or a little exercise. So then I panic because in 4 short weeks I throw work into my mix too.

I am panicking. Going back to work is daunting. I love my job and in all honesty we rely on my income. I would switch roles and have my hubby stay home but he provides the insurance for himself and the kiddos. He stayed home with my daughter until she was 9 months old and even then she had limited time in daycare. Now with an infant with MCADD I am struggling to not at the very least do the same for him. I am scared for him and want to know I am doing what is right for him. I keep telling myself that I have given it to God and that whatever the solution, it will give me peace in my heart. So far no ideas we can come up with is doing that for me. I may have to take a huge leap of faith to keep my hubby home at least when I am at work and to sacrifice a little us time and extras now while the kids are young. Maybe I haven't fully given it to him. I trust that his will is what is best for us. I just feel like time is running out.

No Rest for the Weary

We have had our first battle with stomach flu at our house. Even though it was the worst 12 hours that I have had in a long time I am thankful for a few things.

1. That it was my daughter and not my son with MCADD. I felt guilty all day thinking that, I don't want her to be sick either but the thought of an ER visit with our infant is daunting. I imagine I will feel like that every time she gets sick.

2. That it happened on a Saturday night so my husband was home to help. I am sure he would have loved it to be a different weekend however because he had run Robie Creek that morning, "the toughest half marathon in the NW."

3. That my mom came over to keep the baby away from his sister while we ran around with buckets and towels.

4. That we were able to take short naps yesterday. 2 hours of sleep is not enough for an already sleep deprived momma.

5. That my mom is coming over again today. Baby boy decided that nighttime was over at 6am this morning. So even though big sister is sleeping away, we are both wide awake.

6. That I remembered I have an appointment this evening for a free hour massage.

I could come up with a few more things to be thankful for but I will let it rest at that.

(I am not however, thankful for the rain falling outside my window, I am definitely over the unusually wet spring we are having.)

My husband I am sure would shake his head right now at my positive post since less then an hour ago I was giving him such a bad time for going to work instead of changing the babies diaper. I have an excuse: sleep deprivation.

He hasn't been sleeping in the bedroom with us (sad I know, I miss him but at least he is somewhat rested) he keeps the baby monitor with him in case I need him in the middle of the night. Last night I asked that he listen for the alarm clock because I was afraid that I would not be able to get up.

In the middle of the night I awoke with a start and there was a dark face looming over me. I have not been so startled, I jumped and my heart started racing. Once I figured out what was going on he asked if I got up for the 12:30 feeding. Again my heart started racing and I threw off the covers not having any idea what time it was. Luckily it was only 12:50 and that he did get up to wake me up.

Do you think the massage therapist will mind a little snoring this evening?

Say Uncle

OK so I quit. I threw in the towel. I couldn't do it.

I figured that after 10 "accidents" the timing was not right. She is most definitely not ready. I think she can do it, I just don't think she wants to do it. So we will wait for the right time for her rather then what was the right time for me.

Potty Training Day One

I should have known today wasn't going to be great. Baby boy had a difficult time going back to sleep after his feedings last night so needless to say I am tired. So it probably is the wrong day to start potty training.

My daughter always uses the potty first thing in the morning so she can get her morning purple jelly belly. After that we put on big girl panties. We bypassed the plastic pants at her request because they "hurt." I did explain that if she had an accident she would have to wear them. We got breakfast started but she was acting sort of sad. I picked her up and gave her a squeeze. She took my face in her hands and looked like she was feeling sad for ME. I think it was her way of saying sorry for what I am about to do to you.

15 minutes later her pants were wet. We cleaned her up and put on new panties covered by plastic pants.

15 minutes go by and we go to sit on the potty again only to find her pants filled with poop.

Frustration sets in.

I clean her up and put her in new panties and plastic pants. Mind you in between I am trying to get her brother fed, changed, and his pants changed.

15 minutes later, success.

15 minutes after that wet panties.

Now I am considering next time just letting her sit in her wet plastic pants until she tells me she is wet.

Also up for consideration is aborting the mission altogether. I thought she was ready and now she seems determined to not be. Maybe having a new baby in the house has really impacted her more then I thought it would. I was hoping to use my last 6 weeks at home to get her potty trained.

Well looks like option number one. She told me she had to go poopy only to find her panties soaked through.

Can I let her wear diapers forever?

Good news...

After two rounds of blood tests baby's tests came back normal. A little anemic but nothing to worry about. My second opinion doctor came up with a plan to see if we can get his bilirubin down. He wants me to feed him only formula for two days and see if that makes an impact. I could not agree. I do not do well with pumping only because I don't feel like I pump the same amount that he eats. I worry that if I pump exclusively for two days then my milk supply will decrease.

I wish I was one of those mommas that had tons of breast milk. Sadly I am not. When I was breastfeeding my daughter I compared my milk to gold. I fought for every drop to store for when I had to go back to work. Now, same story. Someone told me that it is better the second time around. I have found that to be true only because I am more comfortable and feel like I know what I am doing. We were encouraged to give my son a bottle at least once a day so that he would be used to it. I had been pumping so daddy could give him that feeding. Again it has been difficult to get ahead even that one feeding plus a little extra for when the dreaded end to maternity leave arrives.

So I made a compromise. He can have one to two feedings of formula and I will pump those feedings to save for when I have to go back to work. The physician thought that would be enough to tell if my breast milk was contributing.

If anyone one has tips on how best to increase milk supply I am all ears. I have tried somethings but so far no luck.

Successful Sunday

My Sunday was an absolute success!

Success # 1

Our local ski hill takes 45 minutes to get to even though it is only about 16 miles away because of all of the turns and curves. So far this season the drive up has made my daughter sick every time. We have learned to pack towels, extra clothes, and barf bags. We also have decided to wait to have breakfast till we make it to the lodge. Now this is something that we can't do with our son because of his MCAD, though the genetic counselor assured my husband that if he does get car sick as long as he eats once we get there he will be fine. We are hoping that it turns out he has a stronger stomach then his big sister. Anyway, we made it all the way up with no vomiting. It was slow going and we did have to pull over twice but we did not have a mess to clean up and my car will still smell good this week.

Success # 2

My daughter skied on her own. She is usually wedged between her daddies legs and he is holding her up under her arms. Today she did it herself. Of course daddy had the harness just in case she got out of control. The best part? It was a beautiful day so I bundled up baby boy and put him in the front pack, he loved it, and I got to watch my daughter ski.

Success # 4

Lunch on the patio with good friends. Ahh, grown up conversation!

Success # 3

I got to spend the entire day with my hubby. I have been giving him a bad time about me finding a brother husband. My husband works full time, is on the reserve team for our local paramedics, is training for the toughest half marathon in the northwest, and has been painting a friends house because he broke his leg and can't do it himself. Needless to say he has been gone a lot. He made me a yummy salad for dinner and I even stayed up to watch a movie just to soak up a few more minutes with him.

A few hiccups in the day, a few yawns here and there, and some serious bags under my eyes (thank goodness it was sunglass weather) but it was one of the best days ever.

Yellow Belly

Our 5 week old son is having prolonged jaundice. At 6 days old he seemed a little yellow so the pediatrician decided to test his billirubin at the same time as his confirmatory MCADD test. It turned out that he did have a bilirubin of around 18 so they put our little guy on a billi blanket. After 6 days his level dropped to around 15 enough to get rid of the blanket. For some reason in the weeks that followed he was not looking any less yellow.

We contacted the pediatrician who told us not to worry. I couldn't help but worry. Finally we convinced her to test it again. It was still hovering around 15. I asked if his MCADD could be to blame, she said no. She said we would test again in a week. Meanwhile I contacted the genetic counselor and asked her if his MCADD could be causing the elevated bilirubin. She thought that was probably not the cause but could be the reason that he can't get rid of it. Here we are one week later and his bili level has not really budged. According to the phone call from her nurse, the pediatrician is "very happy with the results and she wants to test him again two weeks from now."

Momma is not so happy with the results. Last night as I laid in bed, stomach turning with anxiety, I decided that I needed a second opinion.

Today I took my little guy into the family practice doctor that I see. He was awesome! He did not make me feel like a paranoid parent. He also said that there was no reason not to test him for anemia and liver function. We are awaiting those results and hoping that they come back negative. He also said that he agrees with the genetic counselor. It would make sense that if he has a liver enzyme disorder it might be harder for him to get rid of it since bilirubin is removed by the liver. However our pediatrician says that because infants have immature livers the bilirubin is removed by the GI tract. Argh!

I am feeling better at least we will know for sure that nothing else is the cause. I am praying that everything comes back negative. It just means that I have to patiently wait for the jaundice to go away. My husband has been having me stick the poor little guy in window to soak up the sun, someone told him it helps.

Our little sun bather