I have lost it in a whirlwind of craziness and chaos.
I have to admit I am beginning to struggle a bit (perhaps more then a bit), not sure how to regain my footing and push on through. The last two months seem to have been a series of battles. Not hard battles just many battles. I have been trying my best to find the blessings in them.
I am sitting here eating snicker doodles rather then drinking the glass of wine that I really want because Buddy (what I have decided to call my 5 month old son) is refusing sleep. He is over tired and fighting it! I am afraid that once I give in and go get him, I will have to feed him, hence the sacrificial glass of wine.
The battle: mommy is tired too and would love a quiet glass of wine followed by her pillow instead of the anxiousness I am feeling listening to him fight against sleep.
The blessing: We spent a wonderful day with my grandparents, full of hugs and love. But also probably the reason that he is overtired.
It seems so small but all of these small battles are becoming the proverbial straws.
So I am going to list some of my bigger battles that have accumulated over the last two months because at least I might feel better about sitting here trying not to cry.
Battle: Buddies MCADD diagnosis which equals to small amounts of sleep and an intense fear of germs and illness.
Blessing: He is beautiful and growing and strong AND we have averted all crises.
Battle: Working full time with a schedule that has been continually changing since returning from maternity leave.
Blessing: I have a job and I really love what I do and my co-workers.
Battle: Since my many schedule changes my hubby and I are pretty much on opposite shifts. The time off we do have together seems to be filled with other obligations. Dinner together has happened once in the last two weeks.
Blessing: Our children need little daycare and the majority of the time they are with family.
Battle: Recovering from bladder lift surgery. Six weeks of lifting 10lbs or less. They did make an exception to my lifting restrictions- I can lift Buddy even though he is already 17+ pounds. But I cannot lift Boo (my 2 year old daughter).
Blessing: After my six weeks is up I will hopefully no longer pee my pants when I laugh, sneeze, cough, or run.
Battle: Potty training Boo.
Blessing: She is starting to get it. It is exciting to watch her grow!
I could probably go on and on. But I probably should go and try to get Buddy to sleep for the forth time tonight.
I am struggling more then I thought I ever would. The Blessing? I have been getting myself back to church. Something that I have not done in years. Though I am not sure I am going to make it tomorrow. After three hours of trying to get Buddy to bed, my plan is to sleep in tomorrow if at all possible. But if I don't make it, my heart is still there.
